The Beginning: Truth Hurts

by GettingFreedom on April 13, 2011

I never intended to take such a long hiatus from Nicholas’ Story. Life, and well, emotions got in the way. I cannot thank you all enough for the very kind, and encouraging words you’ve said through the journey of telling his story…and your patience waiting to hear the ending. I never realized when I began writing it all out, that it would end up being one of the most read things on this site, or the most requested-I-finish. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the support. It means a ton. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, catch up here.

Life was as normal as normal could be.

For a little while.

A social worker began coming to my home on a weekly basis {it was either weekly, or bi-weekly, my mind is foggy}, to make sure that Nicholas was being taken care of properly and no abuse was going on in the home.  She and I formed a wonderful relationship, and I valued her visits and our talks.  Truth was, I had nothing to hide and she knew it.  While I was a teen mom, I was learning {day by day} what motherhood was.  And I enjoyed it.

I enjoyed being a mom.

But I didn’t enjoy my life.

The truth is, I was in denial.  Life was nothing what I wanted it to be, or what I made myself believe it was.

I had convinced myself that the boy I had chosen to set-up-house with, was a Knight in Shining Armor, my Prince Charming,  Father of the Year and all those things you want your partner to be.

The reality was, someONE did someTHING to my baby boy, that almost cost him his life.

The reality was, I worked full time, I was proven innocent by a lie detector. I didn’t do it!

The reality was, there was only one other person that was ever alone with my baby boy.  And they were refusing to do the only thing that would clear their name; taking a lie detector.*

The next few months, as they unfolded, made things very clear to me what I needed to do.

At this point it was around April of 2001, and Nicholas was about 7 months old and doing absolutely wonderful. I was just a few months shy of turning 19.  With Nicholas’s surgeries, and the stress of it all and having to work a full time job, I ended up not completing the semester of college that I had started in January.  That very fact was enough to make me realize, even more so, that my dreams of being a Pediatrician were more than likely not going to become reality.

Just as I was beginning to realize that something needed to change, and I needed to get back to the Pro-Active, Get-Up-And-Go person I once was

More News.

I was pregnant.  Again.

Me? This cannot be happening to me!

Your 7 month old son just recovered from a traumatic brain injury.

You are the only person contributing income to a 3 member household.  Remember the last time you were pregnant?

You cannot go through again.  Really, you can’t.

Make it go away.

No one will know, but you.  No one.

It’ll be your little secret.

Then you can get on with your life.

Your life, Phoebe.  It’s your life!

Or is it?

{*Please know that I am not accusing anyone of anything.  I know only what I’ve seen first hand.  That is it.  And on that note..I’m leaving it here for now.  I promise I won’t take as long next time to write the next installment!}

**The next installment is up::  You Can’t Hide.

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