I know its been awhile since I’ve last posted here. There are a lot of reasons for that, many of which are hard to put into words. Even though you’ve not seen me on the front end of things, I do still monitor comments and emails regularly.
Mother’s Day week has been very hard for me for the last few years. Holidays of any kind were always an excuse for me to celebrate with family and friends and lots of food. As a teenager I used to use these holidays to my advantage so I could have parties, which my mom would plan and execute so perfectly for me every time.
I’ve struggled within a lot this week. So many things in my everyday life remind me of my mom. Especially this week when the hostas that I got from her house before we had to sell it, came back! I just knew that I had (somehow) killed them last year and I was incredibly upset. After a tough day and a quick walk around my yard, I seen them and instantly smiled from ear to ear.
The above picture is of my flower garden she helped me clean out when we first bought this house — and she got stung by a bee (which she was allergic to!), but wouldn’t let that stop her from helping me (after a quick shot from the Epi -Pen).
The woman who I loved to hate, hated to love and yet, loved so deeply.
Oh, Mother’s Day. Its just not the same.
I’m well aware that I have 4 children who call me Mom.
Even on days that I feel that I belong in an insane asylum, I know that they love me and appreciate me.
I’m able to hug them, kiss them and tuck them in at night. Something that I know some mother’s can’t say.
But, my mom isn’t here. I cannot hug her, I cannot kiss her and I can’t tell her I love her.
Mother’s Day hurts.
There, I said it.
It just plain hurts..
It doesn’t just hurt me, either, but other people who’ve lost their moms, women who struggle week after week to conceive, and even those who struggle with their relationship with their mom.
Its the day I love to hate, hate to love and yet, it comes every year. And my kids? They love it — so I’ll pretend I love it, too.
Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I give thanks to my God upon every remembrance of you. ~Philippians 1:2-3
Speaking of monitoring comments, this week I received a spam comment on a post that I had forgotten all about. It was nice to be reminded of it — and was a little gift from above. If you didn’t catch it the first time I posted it, here is my daughter’s Letter to Jesus.